Tuesday, April 19, 2016


Everything is broken. Everything is wrong. Except it isn't, and I know it isn't, but cold logic doesn't mean much when whatever this is, is happening. I feel a bit silly, because I know it's just chemicals, or worry, or something like that, and it shouldn't knock me down the way it has, but it has knocked me down, so I sort of have to accept it.

Is that defeatist? I don't know. It feels like it is, but at the same time, I know I'm at the mercy of forces beyond my immediate control.

I am rambling. I don't know what to say, but I needed to get some of this out of my head, and it's what blogs are for, after all. I don't like to write these personal posts, because it feels like self-promotion -- and how absurd is that feeling? -- and I'm so terrified of appearing arrogant or conceited that I always try to avoid talking about myself, but I do think that talking -- or at least writing, or typing, or whatever -- will help.

I'm not fishing for sympathy, and I am sincere when I say that I am sorry if what I'm writing here makes you uncomfortable, or isn't what you expect or want to see from me; as soon as this thing passes, then you'll see more of the content you're used to, I promise.

This will pass. It always does. Sometimes it goes away on its own, and sometimes I have to give it a kick and a shove, but it will pass.


  1. I recognise that black dog. I'm heartened to hear you say, "This will pass." Because that awareness isn't always available while the dog's busy biting you. But you're right, it will pass. Hopefully soon. Meanwhile, again, you're right - talking will help. Take care.

  2. I'm with ClawCarver...recognizing that it will pass seems like one of the biggest steps to letting it pass. Game content can wait as long as you need to; take care of yourself!

  3. As one who deals with similar feelings on a regular basis, all I can say is you're not alone and we deal.

    It's what we gotta do. It's all you can do sometimes.

    Deal, and move forward.

  4. Sorry to hear you're feeling blue El Kel.

    As for what to do, I hope that you are talking to a professional about such things.

    Plus I hope running The Dracula Dossier gives you a lift rather than drags you down/ stops you being able to give yourself the time and space needed to heal.

    Thinking of you.


  5. There is absolutely nothing you need to apologize for here. You should do what you need to do in order to care for yourself. Whether you want it or not, you have my sympathy. I hope things get better for you soon. Like you and many others have said, this will pass.

  6. I know that place well.