Mince Pie Fest 2024: Non-Cornish Cornish Pasty Lemon Mince Pie

Special #MincePieFest2024 special feature special day four! I've had the lemon flavour before and it's been a firm favourite, but how will it fare in 2024?

Alas, there's only a dash of lemon curd in this one, so it's basically just the normal one with a hint of lemon. So still very good, but not as lemony as I'd like.

But at least there are no huge chunks of cherry. 3.5 out of 5. #MincePieADay

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Non-Cornish Cornish Pasty Custard Mince Pie

Non-Cornish Cornish mince pie #3! Custard!

The custard had set so I bunged this one in the meecrowavey to get the molecules a-jiggling. The result was absolutely gorgeous (but I am a bit of a custard fan) so much so that I was about to waive the usual -1 penalty for being a £4 pie, but then I remembered that getting some fancy mince pies and some custard would still be cheaper. So 4 out of 5 it is. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Non-Cornish Cornish Pasty Chocolate Mince Pie

Non-Cornish Cornish Pasty mince pie day two! Chocolate today.

The pastry is really quite nice, with a similar texture to yesterday's, and a good chocolatey flavour. No discernable cherries in the filling mix, but there was a little nugget of pure chocolate -- or maybe a big chocolate chip -- that I assume was put there on purpose, but was a nice surprise either way. -1 for the price, obviously, but otherwise 4 out of 5. With an asterisk, because the chocolate is... untraditional. #MincePieFest2024 #MincePieADay

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Non-Cornish Cornish Pasty Traditional Mince Pie

Special #MincePieFest2024 special feature special! The first of four mince pies from Brighton's non-Cornish Cornish Pasty Shop.

I honestly, genuinely, only went in for one.

First, the traditional mince pie, which somehow exploded in transit.

This has a lovely chunky pastry with a nice, almost digestive biscuit, texture, and a generous dollop of filling that probably would be quite tasty, were it not for the over-abundance of cherries.

(I don't like cherries.)

-1 for the cherries, and -1 for the price (£4 each! I'll just put this link here for no reason at all: https://ko-fi.com/thekelvingreen) for a decent 3 out of 5. #MincePieADay

It's Over Nine Thousand

All of the Marvels, by Douglas Wolk, isn't really about one man's experience of reading 27,000 Marvel comics, although it touches on that. It's not a history of Marvel, although it touches on that. It's not a summary of the Marvel Universe story so far, although the final chapter skims through that.

Instead, this is Douglas Wolk, after reading 27,000 Marvel comics, picking out his favourite bits, and that makes for a compelling book, although it's not exactly how the book is marketed.

But it is interesting how, in all of those thousands of stories, Master of Kung Fu stands out as problematic as heck but also really, really good, or how the Dark Reign crossover turns out to be more clever and insightful than it appears, or how Jack Kirby was a genius but his Black Panther run was (probably) terrible.

I like that personal, my-favourite-bits, approach, and while a couple of chapters feel a bit perfunctory, I could quite happily have read another 15 chapters of this.

(Or maybe another 15 chapters by someone else. It would be lovely -- if impractical -- to get other people to read 27,000 Marvel comics and present their own favourite parts, just for a variety of voices. I'd love to read sequels to this by other authors.)

There are some disappointments -- there's an early interesting Grant Morrison-esque thought about the Marvel Universe being a unique fictional construct that doesn't go anywhere; the Black Panther chapter doesn't quite grasp the importance of what Don McGregor was doing -- and perhaps overall the book is a bit fluffy, but it's always entertaining, and well worth reading for the parts in which Wolk pulls out a surprise favourite, or delves a bit deeper into a subject, or both.

Mince Pie Fest 2024: The Results!

I'm certain I will be consuming more mince pies and mince pie related items in the coming days and weeks, but the testing is over.

THE BEST NATIONALLY AVAILABLE MINCE PIE OF 2024

COOP Irresistible, although it was a close thing this year. These taste fancier and more expensive than they are. Very good. Well done, COOP.

THE BEST "CHEAP" MINCE PIE

Holly Lane, from Aldi. Simple but tasty. The filling is the star here, and the price is good.

THE BEST NON-BOOZY MINCE PIE

Also Holly Lane!

PALM OIL?

Quite a few of this year's mince pies do not have palm oil listed in the ingredients. From best to worst score, they are: Iceland Luxury (4), Infinity Foods (4), Tesco Merry (4), Waitrose Un-Numbered (4), Morrisons The Best (4), M&S Collection (3), Lidl Deluxe (2), M&S Classic (1).

(I am told that COOP uses "sustainable" palm oil, but there is some debate over whether there is such a thing.)

So there you have it! As I noted above, my mince pie journey is not yet over, but those are my recommendations for 2024. Enjoy!

#MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

All Drummers Great and Small

BBC Four started a repeat run of The Box of Delights yesterday. I have fond but vague memories of the programme from its first broadcast -- 40 years ago! -- and I was excited to see it again. I'll maybe talk about it another time, as it ticks a lot of boxes for me: ancient British magic, mischievous hobo-wizards, time travel, snow and winter, wolves! It has some thematic crossover with Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising, another childhood favourite that I should revisit at some point.

The real point of this post is what came after. BBC Four followed up with a 1978 episode of All Creatures Great and Small, and I hadn't seen that in years either so I left it on to see what it was like with adult eyes, and... it's really strange. If you haven't seen it, it's a gentle comedy-drama about a veterinary practice in rural Yorkshire in the 1930s, which is already quite niche for a prime-time show, but -- and I assume this is because it's the BBC and the BBC's public service remit means there has to be at least a token attempt at education -- it's also full of graphic on-camera medical procedures. Imagine tuning in on a Sunday evening, perhaps after your Sunday roast, and then watching Doctor Who trying to remember his lines while up to the shoulder -- and this is the actor, mind you, not a double -- in a cow's backside.

Still, it was massively popular, got millions of viewers, and seemed to run for years -- although now that I look it up, it had two three-year runs separated by a decade -- but what I want to talk about is the theme music. I had a memory of a gentle but jolly piano theme in keeping with the Sunday night broadcast. and that's sort of what it is, but what surprised me last night was how hard the drummer goes:



Alas the theme is only about a minute long; the drummer was just getting going!

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Greggs

The Greggs vegan sausage roll is rightly famous, but are the mince pies any good?

The pastry looks a bit anaemic, and so it proves in terms of taste, with a decent texture but a flavour best described as blaaaaaaaaand. The filling has some nice flavour, although nothing stands out, and as you can probably see, it's a bit stingy. There's something a bit sad about these pies. The sausage rolls are much better. 2 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Infinity Foods

No picture of the box, as they are bakery fresh, so here's a picture of the shop, which is sort of a big brick and concrete box, if you think about it.

The pastry is firm, and so thick it would stop the assembled hordes of Genghis Khan, but it has a pleasant crumble and a nice sweetness.

The filling is thick and rich, and there is plenty of it. It has a nice savoury, almost sour edge that is a perfect balance for the sweetness. There's no hint of booze, but I don't think the pie needs it.

The only downside to these lovely mince pies is the price. £2.10 each or £5.75 for three is a bit steep. They are good, but I'm not sure they are £2.10 good. 4 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Iceland Luxury

The last of the supermarket chain pies, these are apparently "improved". Let's see.

The pastry has a good, firm texture, and a slightly salty taste. I'm generally not a big fan of salty flavours, but I have to say that it's not too bad here. The filling has a lovely strong citrus flavour, but it totally obliterates any other tastes, which is a bit of a shame. Still, a good effort from Iceland (not the country) and indeed an improvement on 2023's version. 4 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Jack's

DID YOU THINK IT WAS OVER?

It's not over!

We found these in a corner shop, but most corner shops are part of a chain these days, and this chain is basically Tesco-in-Disguise, so you should be able to find these across the UK. But would you want to? Read on, MacDuff.

The texture of the pastry is all wrong. It's too thin, too crispy, and too sweet, buuuuuuuut it tastes quite nice, like a (very) sweet biscuit. The flavour does rather overpower the filling, about which I can say nothing because I couldn't taste it at all. The only reason I know it exists is because I took a picture.

Not bad, but they don't really taste like mince pies. 2 as mince pies, 3 as a general sweet treat, so let's say 2.5 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

An Overdue Apology

First of all, I am not being compelled or forced to do this, at least not by any external agent. This is all about acknowledging my mistake.

When the allegations about Mandy and Zak first arose, I very quickly jumped on Google+ and made a vague and non-committal statement along the lines of "I was fooled and I am sorry." I don't remember the exact words, but maybe it's been screenshotted somewhere. That's the gist of it, anyway.

When challenged to specify what I meant, I prevaricated and said something like "I said what I said", and left it at that.

Looking back, I was trying to have it both ways, to signal my expected outrage while avoiding taking a side, at least overtly. More, in truth it was never really about showing support for Mandy, but rather to be seen to be on the "right" side. It was bandwagon-jumping, and I expect better of myself than that.

It was cowardly and wrong.

I always try to be fair and kind in life, and this was neither. And for that, I am sorry.

Mince Pie Fest 2024: The Battle of Fours

Unprecedented!

We have a tie at the top*, which has never happened before.

So, for the first time ever, we enter a SECOND ROUND.

The "finalists": COOP Irresistible, Holly Lane, Tesco Merry, Tesco Finest, and Waitrose Un-Numbered.

Because I love you, my readers, and because I am dedicated to this, my job, I made the difficult decision to try all five of the Fours again, in one tasting session, to decide once and for all.

(If you want to reward me for this terribly onerous task, then my Ko-Fi is still available.)

I took this very seriously and tried each pie, then had a good swig of plain water to cleanse my palate before trying the next. It came down to two front runners, so I tried those two again, which means that I've basically just had an 800+ calorie lunch.

Anyway.

The second-best 4 out of 5 pie is...

Holly Lane! These are still surprisingly good for such a cheap mince pie. Well done, Aldi.

And the best?

COOP Irresistible!

It's still very close, but COOP just edges it this year, and I suspect it will not be beaten, but one never knows for sure... #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

*(There is at least one supermarket mince pie I haven't yet tried, so maybe this will all be irrelevant.)

Mince Pie Fest 2024: COOP Irresistible

Well. Here we go. The champions of 2021.

The champions of 2022.

The champions of 2023.

The champions of 2024?

The pastry strikes the perfect balance between firm and soft, with just the right amount of "chew", but the taste is maybe just a bit too buttery? The filling is lovely. Fruity, dense, and with a hint of booze, but nothing too overpowering. Just enough to feel a bit cheeky.

These are good mince pies. Very very good mince pies. BUT.

(Gasp! Gosh! Etc!)

As good as they are, they are not the clear winners they have been in previous years. 4 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

But what could this mean? Hmm...

Mince Pie Fest 2024: COOP Merry

Merry.

The Tesco ones were called "merry" too. I wonder if that's an established nomenclature and I've just not been paying attention. Imagine the scandal.

Anyway.

The pastry on these is bland, far too soft, and quite claggy. The filling has a nice, juicy flavour but there's not a lot of it. There's nothing really actively bad about these but they are just quite disappointing. 2 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Lidl Deluxe

These chunky pies have a pastry that's a touch too firm for me, tipping over into a biscuity crunch, of which I am not fond. The filling is much better, with a nice fruity taste and a big punch of brandy. Pow! Alas, there's a hint of a bitter, dare I say bilious, aftertaste that does pass very quickly, but is still something of an unpleasant surprise. 2 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Waitrose (Un-Numbered)

The pastry has a bit of a salty taste, and I'm not a fan of salt, but otherwise it has a decent flavour and a good, firm, texture.

The filling is beautiful! While it lacks any sort of booze, and is even quite light on the spices, neither is missed, as there's a lovely variety of different fruit flavours.

You could quibble that with the lack of alcohol and spice maybe these are more of a mixed fruit pie than a mince pie proper, but whatever they are, they are very tasty. Much better than the fancier ones. 4 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

PoP!

I have drawn three pieces today, and this -- with no hint of irony or self-deprecation -- is the best of them all.

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Waitrose No 1

These often get picked as the best supermarket mince pies by the gutter press, so let's see. The pastry has a good texture, firm but also soft, but is maybe a touch too sweet. There's plenty of filling and it's... full of flavour. The only issue, and I don't quite believe I'm going to say this, is that there's too much flavour. The cognac is overpowering to the point of tasting almost toxic, but perhaps I just don't like cognac. Not bad, but not "number one", and not worth £4. 3 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: M&S Collection

I do not like the pastry on these mince pies at all. AT ALL. Crunchy and far too sugary (which doesn't help with the crunch), I suppose at least it's not too dry. But it's not pleasant, either. The filling is much better, with a strong fruity flavour and a good mix of spices, and there is plenty of it. There's just a touch of a bitter aftertaste, but nothing too egregious.

M&S seems to be having a real problem with its pastry this year, and it almost ruins these pies, but the filling is just about good enough to drag them up to a 3 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: M&S Classic

M&S classic.

They look as dry as Jack Dee doing a gig in the Atacama Desert, and the reality is not far off. The pastry feels and tastes like wood and although there's a nice, almost savoury, tinge to the filling, that dissipates very quickly and it's overall quite bland, aside from a lingering sour aftertaste. These mince pies start off disappointing and then they go downhill. 1 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Asda Exceptional

"Exceptional"? That's quite the boast, bold given the last lot.

I love the pastry on these pies; chunky and thick, with a good, wholesome "bite", no unpleasant crunch, and a lovely light sweetness. Alas, the thickness of the crust -- while no doubt useful for stopping bullets -- means there isn't much room left for the filling, which is a shame as it has a bold, boozy flavour that I very much like. If only there was more of it. 3.5 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024