I would have posted this earlier but I noticed that I had 69 posts in 2023, and I am a child.
Well, 2023 was a bit of a crapper. Indulge me as I moan about why, or just click here to skip to the optimistic bit.
I have had a day job since February in which I don't know how to do anything, and there's no one to train me in how to do those things, which ends up being massively demoralising every day. So that's great for my mental health.
My creative work has also suffered this year. I did get some books out, and got noticed by wargamer.com and The New Bloody Yorker, but I felt my creative energies fail and flounder in 2023. I struggled to get anything written after Winnie-the-Shit; it has felt difficult to write anything and what I did write felt bad and shonky.
At the same time, while I've never held any illusions that I am a great artist, I've always felt at least competent, but in 2023 I became more dissatisfied with my art than ever before. I feel like I've got as far as I can with my current style and I don't know what to do about that. Is it too late for me to develop a new style? Is that something I can even do, or is the way I draw just the way I draw, no backsies?
I haven't done much gaming this year and I have missed it. I've played a few games with Stuart over the year but I haven't met with the rest of my so-called-regular group since around October 2022 (!). Again I seem to have lost confidence, which is a bit weird considering it's a hobby and doesn't require much effort, but there it is.
A loss of confidence is an apt description in general. I feel like a bit of a failure in all walks of life. Incapable or incompetent, surviving rather than thriving. A pointless existence. Heavy, man.
So, 2024 then. How do I turn this around?
Well, the intent is there, so that's something.
I have some long-delayed projects that I am going to try to finish off in January, to start the new year off with a clean(ish) slate.
After that, I have two adventures for Lamentations of the Flame Princess that I want to get out this year, plus another non-adventure book.
That's probably enough to be getting on with and if I get those three out I will consider 2024 a success, but I've also got plans for a non-LotFP adventure book, and also branching out to work with some new people. There are also some tentative discussions about a couple of comics projects, which should be a fun return to an area I've long missed.
I hope I'll get back to some more regular gaming too. I'd like to play more Stargrave, and I bought a copy of The Doomed -- or is it The DOOMED? -- and that looks like good fun. And of course I would love to get Legions Imperialis to the table at some point.
It would also be nice to get to play some of those unplayed games too.
So let's see what 2024 brings! I'm going into it in a more positive frame of mind than I ended 2023, which is a good start. Let's go!
I appreciate the candid post, as I can relate. I think I can, anyway...I don't want to make assumptions or take anything away from your experience by just following with a "Yeah, me too!" I can say, though, that over the course of the past several months, I've probably had more moments of "WTF am I really trying to accomplish here?" than ever before. About, y'know...life in general...
ReplyDeleteI like to blame these New Jersey winters which - while bleaker than those I grew up with - could honestly be a lot worse, so it probably isn't fair to place blame there. I have a feeling there's a midlife factor for me, as well. And of course, I can imagine an endless number of different decisions I could have made that would have prevented the feeling, which is (1) unhelpful, and (2) probably quite inaccurate.
In other words, I hear ya man, and I hope your 2024 goes just as you hope!
Yeah, I'm starting to feel my age, not in any physical aches and pains sense, but I am more aware than ever of how old I am and how I'm not where I thought I should be at this point.
DeleteBut yes! Positivity! Let's make 2024 as good as it can be!
The job situation sounds frustrating. That they wouldn't properly train you seems self-defeating in a number of ways.
ReplyDeleteI assume it's possible to change one's art style, but I'm fond of your current style, so I hope you can achieve what you want without having to take that step. Hopefully all your goals for the year are able to come to fruition.
Thank you. :)
DeleteWell always looking forward to your work, be it in the form of published books or mince pies reviews (I just had one!). The work situation sounds awful, but at least it sounds like you're doing the best you can do about it.
ReplyDeleteYour art style is recognisable and unique, something I believe most artists strive for, don't forget that! I've always said I'd want to see more comic stuff from your pen.
Good continuation (as we say in Sweden)!
Thank you, and good continuation to you too!
Delete