Interview With a Vampire

I bumped into Kieron Gillen at Dragonmeet once but he looked busy so I didn't say hello.

Anyway, he's been running through his 101 favourite role-playing games and the most recent instalment has a story about a WFRP3 game in which the players did one of those silly facepalm things players do sometimes, and it reminded me of something that happened when I was running Horror on the Orient Express for Call of Cthulhu in 1998ish.

Spoilers for HotOE follow!

There is a vampire in the campaign, a horrible, withered thing called Fenalik. He is encountered early on but then stalks the investigators for much of the rest of the campaign, including boarding the Orient Express itself. At this point in the campaign Fenalik has lost all patience and confronts them on the train, but he is subject to some classic vampire weakness, such as not entering a home uninvited, and since the investigators' cabin counts as a home for this purpose, he cannot enter.

At first Fenalik tries charm and persuasion and tries to convince the player-characters to let him in, but they are having none of it. Once they realise that Fenalik is powerless to reach them they start getting a bit cocky, taunting the monster.

Fenalik is ancient and proud and wretched and does not take this at all well. He loses his temper and starts threatening the investigators with all sorts of horrible fates. Oh, the brutal, terrible things he will do to them while they live, and probably to their corpses too. The players are finding this hilarious, of course, and continue goading him. They are also trapped in their cabin, but they're not thinking about that right now; they are too high on adrenaline.

The vampire is in a frenzy now, desperate and seething, and promises that he will tear them all into bloody, tiny, pieces.

One player, buzzing, says something along the lines of "Oh yeah? Just come in and try it."

There's a pause. A dreadful, heavy pause.

I wish I could say it was me being dramatic but it was more that I was working it out at roughly the same pace my players were.

A bit faster perhaps, as I could see their jaws dropping and their eyes going like saucers just as I started to describe the cabin door exploding into splinters and a furious vampire springing into the room...

As it happens only one character was killed in the fight that followed, but they were all a bit less overconfident after that.

The Egyptian (Danger) Zone

Stuart and I played my Danger Zone mission -- for Stargrave and similar skirmish wargames -- last week. Stuart's summary is here and I have nothing to add, but I did want to highlight the table a bit more.

We played at Dice Saloon and we arrived to a box of terrain pre-selected for us. It was a box of Ancient Egypt themed stuff, with a tinge of horror and was quite an impressive set so we decided to use it, making the assumption that this mission's planet was the home to a lost civilisation of Space Egyptians. Perhaps the Danger Zones were the result of ancient tech left behind by those ancient folk.

We also nabbed a box of cyberpunk terrain just to sci-fi the table up a bit. And now, pictures!

The table as a whole. The large hill towards the centre would see most of the combat, as we shall see.

My favourite piece. There's a hint of trypophobia to it. (EDIT: I am told it's from Dark Fantastic Mills!)

Fateweaver Duu'ey investigates some local architecture.

The early stages of The Battle for the Hill™.

These dog thing statues were cool, too.

Later on in the The Battle for the Hill™, as it got a lot more messy.

As far as I know, this stuff was all home-made, so thank you to the unknown builder for donating it to Dice Saloon for oiks like me to throw tiny men at it!

Lost and Found

Lost Carcosa is now available at the LotFP EU shop!

My involvement with Geoffrey McKinney's Carcosa goes back to almost the beginning. About a year after the release of the original Supplement V: Carcosa Geoffrey expanded one of the hexes on the campaign map in an article for issue #4 of Fight On! and I contributed some pictures; I'm not certain but this may have been my first published role-playing game work.

Later Geoffrey self-published that same content, this time in colour, as a zine. In 2011 Lamentations of the Flame Princess released an expanded version of Carcosa in a handsome hardback edition and almost all of my pictures were dropped in favour of new pieces by Rich Longmore. A fair trade, I think.

(Although I like my Bone Sorcerer more. Sorry Rich!)

I say "almost all" because I do have one very small piece in the published book. It's only about 5mm square and even I had trouble finding it yesterday, but it was apparently enough for James at LotFP to send me a contributor copy of the book. I've always been touched by that generosity and am always keen to tell people about it, because it's a side of James that I think gets overshadowed by his general infamy.

(I'm not sure James himself would approve, as much of that infamy is self-generated, quite deliberately!)

Earlier this year James got in touch to tell me that a new, even more expanded version of Carcosa was in the works, adding all the supplements and extras to the LotFP hardback. This time my pictures from 2009 (!) would be included and I also found a piece intended for the Fight On! article that was not completed at the time. Don't ask me why, it was 16 years ago!

Yesterday I received my contributor copy of the new book, and it's even more handsome than the 2011 printing. There are three variant covers, of which my favourite is probably the Yellow Lotus, and you can also -- if you are rich -- buy all three in a sexy -- and very heavy -- slipcase.

Which is what the contributors received.

See what I mean about generous?

Anyway, Lost Carcosa is out now, and it's quite swish. You can read Grognardia reviews of the original Carcosa here if you're interested in what it's all about.

When Banner Met Spidey

Spoilers for Spider-Man: Brand New Day -- it's very good, I've seen it twice this week! -- follow.

In the film, a significant moment hinges on Hulk recognising Peter Parker, and I've been trying to work out how that could be, barring any off-screen "I read about you in the Avengers files" business:

• In Infinity War, Banner meets Spider-Man before the latter goes into spaaaaaaaaace.
• In Endgame, Professor Hulk and Spidey are both on the battlefield. During the fight, Spidey unmasks and tells Captain Marvel his real name, and it's possible that PH witnesses that, but PH and Spidey do not interact directly on-screen. That said...
• In the same film, both Professor Hulk and Parker are at Tony Stark's funeral. Again, we don't see them interact, but it would be very strange if they didn't; if any "Hi, I'm Peter" hadn't happened yet, it must have happened here. BUT...
• In No Way Home, Spidey and Doctor Strange make everyone forget about Peter Parker. Not that Peter Parker is Spider-Man, mind you, but that Peter Parker even exists.
• In Brand New Day, Peter meets Banner. It's clear that Banner has no idea who Peter is, and Peter gives his name as "Ned Leeds".
• Later on, Spidey fights the Hulk. People are calling this "Savage Hulk" and it seems to be a new incarnation; Spidey doesn't recognise him, suggesting it's not the Hulk from Assemble and Age of Ultron. THAT SAID...
• This incarnation is the one to whom Spidey says "It's me, Peter" and reacts, apparently with recognition.

So what's happening here? Banner hasn't met Peter, and Professor Hulk probably has but doesn't seem to remember, but Savage Hulk does remember him?

There's a lovely moment in 2020's comic Immortal Hulk: Great Power in which something similar happens:

Although it's not stated on-screen -- which is a shame but I can see why, for reasons of drama and pacing, it wouldn't work in the film -- I imagine something similar to this happened. Doctor Strange's spell in NWH just didn't work on this version of the Hulk for whatever reason. Perhaps he's immune to memory wipes, like the comics version seems to be, or perhaps he was buried so deep in Banner that the spell couldn't reach him, or maybe when [REDACTED] "breaks his brain" the memory is restored.

I don't think Marvel has given an official answer, but that one's good enough for me. Probably.

I'm No Dyson

Here's a map I drew, because I sometimes draw maps.

#KelvinDrawsThings

Rejected in Reverse

Reverse Medusa. A rejected image from an upcoming project. #KelvinDrawsThings

Imaginary Horse

In 2015 Warhammer: Age of Sigmar was created. This had made some people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Well, not "widely" as it's turned out to be a bit of a success for Games Workshop, more so than Warhammer Fantasy Battle was before it was scrapped, and is now on its fourth edition. I've still never played it, mind.

One thing that hasn't survived the years is the meta rules, suggesting that they weren't quite as popular as the rest of the game. Stuff like:

• And He Did Say ‘War’, and the World Did Tremble...: If Settra the Imperishable uses this ability, you must hold out your hand and utter ‘War’ in a supremely commanding tone. If you do, then until your next hero phase you can add 1 to all hit rolls for Death units in your army that are within 18" of Settra in the combat phase. If a Deathrattle unit is affected by this ability, you can also add 1 to their wound rolls in the combat phase. However, if Settra is your general, you must not kneel for any reason during the battle. If you do, even once, you immediately lose the battle. Settra does not kneel!
• The Grail Vow: You can re-roll all failed hit rolls for this unit if, before rolling the dice, you hold aloft a grail or goblet and shout ‘For the Lady’ in a heroic voice.
• Honour of the Clan: It is a Thane’s duty to uphold the honour of his clan, and his fighting prowess is as deadly as his beard is magnificent. You can re-roll any failed hit rolls when attacking with a Thane so long as you have a bigger and more impressive beard than your opponent.
• Liquid Fortification: You can add 1 to the Bravery of Josef Bugman and any Dispossessed unit from your army within 4" of him whilst you are holding a drink.
• The Mad Count: Marius Leitdorf is an exceptional swordsman, even if he is totally insane. If, during your hero phase, you pretend to ride an imaginary horse, you can re-roll failed hit rolls for the Averland Runefang until your next hero phase. If you actually talk to your imaginary horse you can re-roll failed wound rolls as well.
• Old Grumblers: In your hero phase, you can complain about something in a suitably Dwarfish manner. For example, the hardships you endured when you were younger, how the youth of today don’t respect their elders, how expensive beer is etc. If you do, this unit of Longbeards will join in and you can pick one of the grumblings listed below. The effects last until your next hero phase.
• WAAAGH! DRUMMER Models in this unit may be Waaagh! Drummers. You can add 2 to the charge rolls of a unit that includes any Waaagh! Drummers, but only if you bellow ‘Waaagh!’ when rolling the dice.

The one about the imaginary horse is maaaaaayyyybe insensitive to those with mental health problems, but otherwise I don't see the problem. I've always liked these rules, because they are fun, and games are supposed to be fun. Aren't they?

Walkin' Here!

Kev Walker, 1991:

Kev Walker, 1997:

Kev Walker, 2000:

Kev Walker, 2001:

(This is the sequel to the 1997 series above.)

Kev Walker. 2023:

So many styles, all good.

You Listen to Me More, You Live Longer!

This is your semi-regular reminder that Temple of Doom is the best one.

#TempleOfDoomIsTheBestOne

Hungry Ghost

Hungry ghost. I've just read Bat Eater by Kylie Lee Baker. It's quite good!
#KelvinDrawsThings

Blanchitsu! (bless you)

John Blanche died.

I first encountered him in Steve Jackson's Sorcery! books.

Now that's a wizard!

His art had the rubbery weirdness of someone like Erol Otus, but went beyond with a sort of feverish decadence, and a (un)healthy gob of punk. You could feel Blanche's work crawl and writhe, and probably spit, too.

Much will be written in the next few days about Blanche and his art by better writers than I, so here's a personal story instead.

I fell into the Games Workshop Hobby™ hard when I was about nine or ten, but lacking access to more than HeroQuest and White Dwarf, my engagement consisted mostly of drawing a lot of orcs and orks. For some mad reason, when I was eleven I decided to send some of those pictures in to White Dwarf. I have no idea what I was expecting. Such hubris!

They were not good pictures -- I was eleven! -- but a few days later I got a postcard with this painting on it:

And on the back, a message from John Blanche. Not much, just a few words of vague encouragement. Did he mean it? Who knows? But it meant a lot to me then -- and still does -- that he took the time to do that for an eleven year old fan.

Thanks John.

Where Did All the Blue Sky Go?

Mercy Point, a 1998 TV series about a 23rd century space hospital:

Mercy Heights, a 1997 story in 2000AD about a 23rd century space hospital:

Hm.

'Ello, Dar

It's only taken since 2014, when dipping was the trendy painting technique, but I have finished my Eldar army for Warhammer 40,000.

Behold the forces of Craftworld Ad-Hoc!

These miniatures are all from the first two editions, aside from a couple of characters, and the Exodites. More on them later.

The "command squad". The second character is a Spiritseer from around 2013, and you'll have seen him as Fateweaver Duu'ey in my Stargrave reports. The two on the right came to me painted so I need to go back and bring them in line with the rest of the army, but it feels a bit of a shame to ruin the one in black.

Scouts, as they were back then, Rangers now. The big lad is from fourth edition, I believe.

There are six of these ladies in the army, but for some reason I only got five of them out for the photo op. Photo oops more like!

Two lots of Striking Scorpions. A special Brainsplurge No-Prize for anyone who identifies the colour scheme inspiration, if you can even see it with this poor lighting.

Exodites! Space elves on dinosaurs! Only legal in second edition -- the best edition -- but they never got models. These are Dark Elf Cold One Knights kitbashed with an old Storm Guardian close combat sprue, and the only models bought new from an actual shop. Not the most elaborate of conversions, but good enough.

Dark Reapers, the very first miniatures I painted for this army, and if I'm going to repaint anything, it'll be these lads.

And finally, a classic spread-eagled pilot War Walker, and a couple of Dreadnoughts, including one with the funny tiny head. Since it has a missile launcher I decided to paint it like a Dark Reaper, to suggest that it used to be a Reaper in life. These are very heavy and very spindly so will likely shatter if ever dropped.

So that's it, 12 years of collecting and painting, 76 miniatures, all done.

Well...

I should probably repaint the Dark Reapers, and the two Warlocks, and I have a couple of odd character models that never got rules. I also have a couple of "holy grails" that I'd like to get, but for now, we are done.

I've loved the Eldar ever since seeing them in an early White Dwarf -- on hexagonal bases, hence my "basing scheme" -- and while these are a million miles away from 'Eavy Metal standard, I'm happy enough with them.

No Strings On Me

Angry robot fella Scourge, from 2023's Transformers 7: Let There Be Gorillas:

Angry robot fella Ultron, from 2015's Avengers 2: Avenge Harder:

Hm.

Fictions, Scientific

People are listing their top ten science fiction films to "celebrate" Star Wars Day. I "celebrated" Star Wars Day in my own way yesterday, but here's my list anyway. I'm discounting superhero films in general, although some of them certainly count as science fiction; I was very close to just sticking Guardians of the Galaxy and its sequel in anyway. Ghostbusters also was very close to making it in, as while it is about ghosts (spoiler) the film approaches it through science, or at least pseudoscience.

It was very difficult to pick just ten, but here they are:

• Akira
• Aliens
• Back to the Future
• Godzilla Minus One
• Lilo & Stitch
• Mad Max 4
• Robocop
• Star Trek 4
• Terminator 2
• Transformers: The Movie

Ask me again tomrrow and I'd probably have a different list. I could have put at least two more Mad Max films in there, or Ghost in the Shell, or The Thing, or Timecrimes, or...

#MayThe4thBeWithYou

Happy #StarWarsDay everyone!

#MayThe4thBeWithYou

Terror in the Special Offers

I haven't watched this yet, so I hope it's favourable.


"The special offer: Buy the Terror in the Streets boxed set from the EU webstore, get free shipping on the whole order with the coupon code MOON. Offer valid through May 7 (ends when I wake up on the 8th and remember to deactivate the code)."

A Thing for a Thing

Here's a thing that I drew for a thing.

#KelvinDrawsThings

Ed Balls

Ed Balls

#EdBallsDay

The Year of Playing Dangerously

Stuart and I have embarked on an optimistic and perhaps naïve attempt to get more regular wargaming done in 2026, and have pencilled in a rough plan to play a game a month. Here's how we've got on so far.

January: Oh dear, not the best start. But January is always slow. That's my excuse, anyway.

February: We playtested my Stargrave scenario The Enemy Within.

March: We got in one game of The Nam. Stuart's summary is here and mine is here.

We also played Tomorrow's War; here's Stuart's battle report.

That's two in March, making up for the January deficit!

April: Rangers of Shadowdeep is built on the same rules as Frostgrave and Stargrave, although it's a cooperative game with an ongoing narrative. It has role-playing game elements, but I think it's close enough to its wargame roots that it counts.

(If it doesn't count then we didn't play anything in April, and that's bad, so I'm counting it.)

Stuart has written about our first couple of missions here and here.

So what's next? We've got a lot of options. We're going to try to revive our 40K project with the second edition of the game; we're just waiting on Stuart to finish painting the last few Dark Angels. Stuart also has the enormous boxed edition of OGRE, a game I've never played and which Stuart is keen to get to the table, mainly because he bought the enormous boxed edition and it mocks him every time he goes into his vast games library.

I'm hoping we can squeeze something in before the end of April, and get ahead a bit. We shall see.