Mince Pie Fest 2024: The Battle of Fours

Unprecedented!

We have a tie at the top*, which has never happened before.

So, for the first time ever, we enter a SECOND ROUND.

The "finalists": COOP Irresistible, Holly Lane, Tesco Merry, Tesco Finest, and Waitrose Un-Numbered.

Because I love you, my readers, and because I am dedicated to this, my job, I made the difficult decision to try all five of the Fours again, in one tasting session, to decide once and for all.

(If you want to reward me for this terribly onerous task, then my Ko-Fi is still available.)

I took this very seriously and tried each pie, then had a good swig of plain water to cleanse my palate before trying the next. It came down to two front runners, so I tried those two again, which means that I've basically just had an 800+ calorie lunch.

Anyway.

The second-best 4 out of 5 pie is...

Holly Lane! These are still surprisingly good for such a cheap mince pie. Well done, Aldi.

And the best?

COOP Irresistible!

It's still very close, but COOP just edges it this year, and I suspect it will not be beaten, but one never knows for sure... #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

*(There is at least one supermarket mince pie I haven't yet tried, so maybe this will all be irrelevant.)

Mince Pie Fest 2024: COOP Irresistible

Well. Here we go. The champions of 2021.

The champions of 2022.

The champions of 2023.

The champions of 2024?

The pastry strikes the perfect balance between firm and soft, with just the right amount of "chew", but the taste is maybe just a bit too buttery? The filling is lovely. Fruity, dense, and with a hint of booze, but nothing too overpowering. Just enough to feel a bit cheeky.

These are good mince pies. Very very good mince pies. BUT.

(Gasp! Gosh! Etc!)

As good as they are, they are not the clear winners they have been in previous years. 4 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

But what could this mean? Hmm...

Mince Pie Fest 2024: COOP Merry

Merry.

The Tesco ones were called "merry" too. I wonder if that's an established nomenclature and I've just not been paying attention. Imagine the scandal.

Anyway.

The pastry on these is bland, far too soft, and quite claggy. The filling has a nice, juicy flavour but there's not a lot of it. There's nothing really actively bad about these but they are just quite disappointing. 2 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Lidl Deluxe

These chunky pies have a pastry that's a touch too firm for me, tipping over into a biscuity crunch, of which I am not fond. The filling is much better, with a nice fruity taste and a big punch of brandy. Pow! Alas, there's a hint of a bitter, dare I say bilious, aftertaste that does pass very quickly, but is still something of an unpleasant surprise. 2 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Waitrose (Un-Numbered)

The pastry has a bit of a salty taste, and I'm not a fan of salt, but otherwise it has a decent flavour and a good, firm, texture.

The filling is beautiful! While it lacks any sort of booze, and is even quite light on the spices, neither is missed, as there's a lovely variety of different fruit flavours.

You could quibble that with the lack of alcohol and spice maybe these are more of a mixed fruit pie than a mince pie proper, but whatever they are, they are very tasty. Much better than the fancier ones. 4 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

PoP!

I have drawn three pieces today, and this -- with no hint of irony or self-deprecation -- is the best of them all.

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Waitrose No 1

These often get picked as the best supermarket mince pies by the gutter press, so let's see. The pastry has a good texture, firm but also soft, but is maybe a touch too sweet. There's plenty of filling and it's... full of flavour. The only issue, and I don't quite believe I'm going to say this, is that there's too much flavour. The cognac is overpowering to the point of tasting almost toxic, but perhaps I just don't like cognac. Not bad, but not "number one", and not worth £4. 3 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: M&S Collection

I do not like the pastry on these mince pies at all. AT ALL. Crunchy and far too sugary (which doesn't help with the crunch), I suppose at least it's not too dry. But it's not pleasant, either. The filling is much better, with a strong fruity flavour and a good mix of spices, and there is plenty of it. There's just a touch of a bitter aftertaste, but nothing too egregious.

M&S seems to be having a real problem with its pastry this year, and it almost ruins these pies, but the filling is just about good enough to drag them up to a 3 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: M&S Classic

M&S classic.

They look as dry as Jack Dee doing a gig in the Atacama Desert, and the reality is not far off. The pastry feels and tastes like wood and although there's a nice, almost savoury, tinge to the filling, that dissipates very quickly and it's overall quite bland, aside from a lingering sour aftertaste. These mince pies start off disappointing and then they go downhill. 1 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Asda Exceptional

"Exceptional"? That's quite the boast, bold given the last lot.

I love the pastry on these pies; chunky and thick, with a good, wholesome "bite", no unpleasant crunch, and a lovely light sweetness. Alas, the thickness of the crust -- while no doubt useful for stopping bullets -- means there isn't much room left for the filling, which is a shame as it has a bold, boozy flavour that I very much like. If only there was more of it. 3.5 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Asda "Yummy"

Look, mummy, look at all the glittery sugar!

The filling has an almost savoury flavour that is quite interesting, but the taste fades quickly, and alas is steamrollered into oblivion by the FOUR TONNES of sugar on the pastry. It's feasible that there are other flavours in the crust, but my inferior taste buds couldn't detect them under ALL OF THE SUGAR IN THE WORLD.

My teeth still hurt now, hours later. 2 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Tesco Finest

I honestly thought we'd found an early winner.

The pastry has a lovely texture, just the right balance between soft and firm, with a nice crumble and a light, sweet taste. The filling is full of strong fruity flavours, with some pleasant but not overpowering boozy tones. These are really, really good mince pies. The finest?

WELL.

The filling has a weird, bitter aftertaste that hangs around for minutes after the pie is eaten. It's not awful, and doesn't ruin the pies, but it is a tiny bit off-putting. 4 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024


(The aftertaste is still there.)

Jay Arr Pee Gee

I want to love this book. It's very handsome and well designed, and it's (mostly) exhaustive. It is in many ways, lovely.

But.

The lead writer isn't very good. He has an unfortunate tendency towards presenting sweeping, unsupported, statements as fact, and has a lazy approach to research; if it's not part of his direct experience it's going to get dismissed, if it's acknowledged at all. It is very obvious if he hasn't played -- or just isn't interested in -- a game about which he's supposed to be writing, and it's not clear if he's fully aware that Europe exists.

(As this book has a team of writers, this is a trivial issue to resolve: just say "I don't feel like writing about Ax Battler; can someone else do it?" There you go. Wasn't difficult.)

I'm familiar with the writer from his website, and the same problems are apparent there too; if I'd realised he was the head writer for this book, I'm not sure I would have bought it.

The organisation is a bit odd too. It's not clear why games are ordered the way they are, and when other games are mentioned in an entry they are sometimes given a page reference, but most often not. Why? Who knows? If a game has multiple titles -- for example, English and Japanese titles -- they are listed only by one, and again it's not clear why that name is chosen. There is an index, but it's just an alphabetical list; again, if a game has alternate titles, they aren't indexed. Indexes by year and platform would have been useful too.

So it's a beautiful book, and there are plenty of surprises even for the most enthusiastic JRPG fan, but I would be very wary of treating it as any sort of authoritative, let alone scholarly, text. Ignore the title; it's not a "guide", it's more of an overview, albeit a fun and (very) pretty one.

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Tesco Merry

The pastry is firmish, but not unpleasantly so, and isn't as sweet as that highly visible sugar suggests. Meanwhile, the filling hits you round the chops with a big old knockout punch of fruity, tangy flavour and doesn't let go. Tasty! Another good, cheapish (£1.25) pie. Merry indeed. 4 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: The Bastard Kipling

I won't mince words (ha ha), these are bland, as the kids say, AF.

The pastry has a decent texture, maybe a touch too soft, but is dry and claggy, like a mouthful of dust. The filling is so lacking in flavour I had to double check that it was even there. 1.5 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: The Bastard Kipling Signature Collection

Ooh fancy! I've not seen these before.

These have a good texture, firm with a bit of crumble, but the pastry doesn't have much flavour. The filling is juicy and rich, but it lacks the sort of pizzazz you'd expect from a fancy range. It's a nice, fruity filling, but it feels like there should be something else.

Perhaps I'm being a bit tough, but these are being presented as luxury, "special", pies, and yet there's nothing really special about them at all. Nothing to justify the price -- £2.50 for four -- anyway.

3 out of 5. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Morrisons The Best

The Best? I'll be the judge of that.

(I think I probably make the same joke every year.)

(I'm not sure what's happening in that last photo. Possibly some sort of supernatural incursion.)

These have a firm and thick pastry, an almost biscuity texture, and flavour much like shortbread. I'm not a huge fan of shortbread, and it's also a bit dry.

There's not a lot of filling, but what there is behind the -- estimated -- two metres of pastry has a pleasant, tangy flavour. It's tasty and I'd like more of it.

3 out of 5, but I don't really like shortbread. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024

Going the (Festive) Distance

Calvin asked about Christmas cake. Here's the sort of tacky but nostalgic thing that comes to mind when I think of Christmas cake:



It's basically a dense fruit cake, to which is added a variable amount of booze. Some families make it a tradition to make the cake earlier in the year, then get it out of a cupboard every so often to "feed" it with more alcohol.

I'm not a huge fan, not enough to make one anyway, but if I'm offered a slice in the festive season, I won't answer in the negative.

There are plenty of recipes floating about, but this looks like a fairly decent one, albeit without the intermittent feeding.

Mince Pie Fest 2024: Morrisons

Morrisons. These tend to be pretty good.

These pies have a good texture, with a firm but un-crunchy pastry, and a hearty filling that's surprisingly dense for a "cheap" pie. Alas, that pastry is too sweet, and all the sugar rather overwhelms the filling's flavour, although the barest hint of orange does sneak through right at the end, like that bit where Indiana Jones retrieves his hat just in time. 2 out of 5, but if you have a sweet tooth, you can +1. #MincePieADay #MincePieFest2024